I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
