i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
