I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm having to shit out rocks
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
