youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
