and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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