If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done