my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?