I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?