One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just want to make out with him forever
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.