Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
