I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?