She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
