Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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