i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
