I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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