Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
