I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
