My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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