...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
