it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
