i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
