Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
