So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
