so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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