I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
