I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
