I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
