but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
