My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
