You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
