he referred to my room as the tit cave...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
