sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
