yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
