You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
