There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
