that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you inspire me to be a worse person
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
