Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
