Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
