I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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