I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
