you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
