I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
too bad you live with your parents still
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
