Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
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Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
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in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize