Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
