Pants 0. Shit 1.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
