Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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