I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
