conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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