i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
