I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
