I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
