You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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