so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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