I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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