good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
