I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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