Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
