Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
