I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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