Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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