It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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