Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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