Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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