Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
