i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
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I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
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He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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