don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
