I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
