I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
