Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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