I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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