Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
