That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
