Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
