im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
