she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
