bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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