Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
