You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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