either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
