And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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