So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We left the knife in your bed.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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