i think i have herpe
just one?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
