New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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