it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
