i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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