bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
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sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
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If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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